You Won't Be Mine
by LMiC2001
Summary: Roswell ML Angst fics based on songs from Matchbox 20's Mad season Spoilers through Departure.
1. Default Chapter

You Won't be Mine (Song Fic)

You Won't be Mine (Song Fic)

LMiC2001

PG-13

Spoilers through EOTW.

Disclaimer:Song is by Matchbox 20 from the album Mad Season.Story is based on the characters of Melinda Metz as developed by Jason Katims.I own nothing you'd want, so please don't sue.

__you won't be mine_  
  
Take your head around the world  
See what you get  
From your mind  
Write your soul down word for word  
See who's your friend  
Who is kind  
It's almost like a disease  
I know soon you will be  
  
Over the lies, you'll be strong  
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on  
But no - Oh no  
No you won't be mine  
  
Take your straight line for a curve  
Make it stretch, the same old line  
Try to find if it was worth what you spent  
Why you're guilty for the way  
You're feeling now  
It's almost like being free  
And I know soon you will be  
  
Chorus  
  
Take yourself out to the curb  
Sit and wait  
A fool for life  
It's almost like a disease   
I know soon you will be  
  
Chorus_

Journal Entry- Liz Parker

Just when everything seems normal, something happens, again, to remind me that NOTHING is ever going to be normal again.

I could deal with this better if I hadn'theard for myself that he would choose me over his destiny.Not that I believe in psychics, but it felt right when she said it.She got my hopes up.

Then of course, like everything since last September, here came the Czechoslovakian twist.He showed up.Older, sexier (if that's possible), but definitely him.He said that he had chosen me but by doing so he "alienated" her and she left.And they all died but him.They lost; they died because he followed his heart.

I can't let him do that.I have to find a way to get him to let go.To forget me.To turn to her.It nauseates me to even think about it.But I must.He needs me to. But I can't tell him or he'll never let go.

So, no matter what happens, I lose.I must choose to lose where he wins, or at least where everyone lives.

I lose.He wins.She wins.The whole damn planet wins, but I don't.I lose him.

I really wish I'd never gone to that psychic with Maria.


	2. Part 2 - Bed of Lies

Part 2 – Bed of Lies

Part 2 – Bed of Lies

_bed of lies_

_ _

_No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning   
I am  
  
Don't think that I can take another empty moment  
Don't think that I can fake another  
hollow smile  
It's not enough just to be sorry.  
Don't think that I could take another talk about it  
  
Just like me you got needs  
And they're only a whisper away  
And we softly surrender  
To these lives that we've tendered away  
  
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning   
I am  
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over  
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong  
Where it's not enough just be sorry  
  
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in  
Tried to be more than me  
And I gave 'til it all went away  
And we've only surrendered  
To the worst part of these winters we've made  
  
I am all that I'll ever be  
When you - lay your hands  
Over me  
but don't go weak on me now  
I know that it's weak  
But God help me I need this  
I will not sleep in this bed of lies___

Journal Entry- Liz Parker

He's gone.He left me to face the consequences alone.I had my wedding dance, but not the wedding.When he disappeared I knew I'd succeeded in turning him away.But if I was successful, why does it hurt so much?Success is supposed to bring pride.

I'm having a hard time deciding where to rest my eyes.I can't look out on the balcony.I see where he first kissed me and where I danced with the older version of him.It's emptiness mocks me.

I can't look at the bed.I see lies and deceit.I see Kyle lying there with me beside him.I see the treachery that I was forced to stoop to in order to save everyone.No, I can't look there.Oh God, where am I going to sleep tonight.I can't sleep there either.

I can't look at the bathroom.He hid there.I changed there.

I close my eyes to hide from the visions of my deceit, but I feel trapped by the darkness.

Tonight, I guess I'll sleep on the floor with my eyes open.Only the ceiling doesn't mock me.I'll recount the 143 ceiling tiles and hope that I don't dream or suffocate from the darkness.

How will I ever be able to sleep in that bed again?Will I ever be able to sleep without clutching the shirt he loaned me?I'll sleep and try not to remember all that I lost in that moment.Forever.


	3. Part 3 - Leave

**Part 3 – Leave **

Max climbed the ladder to the balcony with the strength of a man with a purpose, a man on a mission.

He'd thought it through and determined that tonight he would make Liz pay attention. It was time for her to shed this notion that he belonged to someone else.

She still loved him. He knew that from the powerful kisses he'd stolen from her since she returned. Tonight she was going to that concert with him or he'd just have to kiss her into submission.

As he reached the landing he heard the sounds of hushed conversation from Liz's room. Stepping to the window he froze, unable to breathe at the sight. Liz lying naked under her covers and Kyle lying beside of her, appearing to also be naked. He stood stunned. He met Liz's eyes. He saw guilt and fear, but strangely not surprise. 

He backed away expecting her to try and catch him. To tell him that his eyes were deceiving, that he hadn't seen what he thought he'd seen.

But she didn't. His heart hurt as he wandered the sidewalks alone, empty. How was this possible? How could she do this? And how had she known that he'd be there? He found a bench in the park and tried to sort through it.

How could she go back to Kyle? What made her jump into bed with him? The questions boggled his mind. Then he wasn't alone…

***********

Six months later.

I can still see him standing there in my room. He tells he's only going to ask one more time. I didn't answer. I couldn't. But he must have taken that to be an answer, because he just shut down. He looked so lost and hopeless. It felt like a door closed, smashing my heart in its hinges. Then he left. He didn't see me crumple. He never saw me cry myself to sleep for the millionth time.

I never wanted to feel so alone. I didn't want it to be this way. If I ever see him again, the bastard from the future, I will kill him for putting us through this.

Later, when he got closer to _her_, we all became more disjointed. It eventually fractured into more of an "Us versus Them" situation as we dealt with the death of Alex.

As much as Alex's death hurt, it was made worse by his stubborn denials of anything that left my mouth. It got so bad that I was afraid he would say the sky was green if I mentioned how blue it was.

But the last straw was that he knocked up that bitch. I don't trust her. I _certainly_ don't trust him. I want to ask him: "What ever happened to Mr. "Be Prepared" Boy Scout? Exactly where was your raincoat that night?

"I both love and hate the necklace. I love it because it is your heritage. I hate it because it is a consolation prize, the "I have royally screwed up" consolation prize. And now you are leaving me, again. You bastard. You had the nerve to expect me to feel…what? Sorry for you? I'm glad you don't love her the way you love me, because I sure as hell wouldn't wish this abuse and misery on anyone. Not even her.

"You're going home to what? Wife? Baby? Enemies? Prison? Death? 

"I can't believe you slept with her. It was supposed to have been me. Alex was not supposed to die."

Since I can't tell him this, I need to talk to Maria. But she's not home and this overgrown gorilla doesn't make me feel like Max does. I make him stop. 

Finally, she's home. She's practically glowing. Great. I'm glad to know that I'm officially the last virgin in Roswell.

He's leaving in just a few hours. How will I be able to handle it?

The tapping. Amy? Kyle. Alex. Tess! Oh God. And I'm off again to save your sorry, miserable life.

Tess was supposed to be the reason we all lived. Not the reason Alex died. If I ever see that bastard from the future again… 

**_leave _**

_It's amazing_

_how you make your face just like a wall_

_how you take your heart and turn it off_

_how I turn my head and lose it all_

_It's unnerving_

_how just one move puts me by myself_

_there you go just trusting someone else_

_now I know I put us both through hell_

_I'm not saying_

_there wasn't nothing wrong_

_I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me_

_I'm not saying_

_we ever had the right to hold on_

_I just didn't wanna let it get away from me_

_But if that's how it's gonna leave_

_straight out from underneath_

_then we'll see who's sorry now_

_If that's how it's gonna stand, when_

_you know you've been depending on_

_the one you're leaving now_

_the one you're leaving out_

_It's aggravating_

_how you threw me on_

_and you tore me out_

_how your good intentions turn to doubt_

_the way you needed time to sort it out_

_Tell me is that how it's going to end_

_when you know you've been depending on_

_the one you're leaving now_

_and the one you're leaving out_


End file.
